I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
