Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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