In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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