If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I want her autograph on my taint
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
sex in a hospital.. check
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
