Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
