so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
