Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
