He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
