So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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