There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
