"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We got so high we made milksteak
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
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They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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