i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
