Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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