Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
