Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
