Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have fence marks all over my body
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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