I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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