I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
