I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
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I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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