Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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