I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
