Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
