I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
