see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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