Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
