I just made out with a guy for $7.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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