My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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