btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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