Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
