I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
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Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
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Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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