My room smells like vodka and shame
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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