i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
