So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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