I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
