when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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