So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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