I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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