wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
