I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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