My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Randomize
