Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
