Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
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things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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