"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
