I'm going to jail i love you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
