Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
