So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
