The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
