He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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