I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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