whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
