I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
