Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
