based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
