I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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