3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
