did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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