It's like God shit irony all over that family
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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