wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
