you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
