I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
