just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
