i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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