it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
