It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
