smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
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Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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