i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
