also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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