Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
