actually, I'm a sock model
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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