So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
