i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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