between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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