Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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