i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
