I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
