I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
