How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
