It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
