I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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