dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
