hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
