Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
