found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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